would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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