I am puke
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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