Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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