ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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