Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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