It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
