now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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