No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
