I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
