I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
