so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
