So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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