i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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