I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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