it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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