True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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