you would pick up someone in the library
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
