I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
