Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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