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Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
