there's paper in my vomit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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