She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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