all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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