My pussy is not your playground.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
