Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So vagazzling was a success
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
