If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
