I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
