Too much gin, very little bucket
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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