Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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