I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
