thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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