Fine. I'll sleep in my office
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
