all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
