that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
