I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
