I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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