They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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