I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
