i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
