They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
