Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
