Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
