ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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