soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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