whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
