I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
