He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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