i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
