Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
