i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
