Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
