still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
