marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
