I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize