Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
