he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
