Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
