these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
