Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
