You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
