Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
