I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
