He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
