Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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