Screwed.edu
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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