im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
