guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
