My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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