I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
